Just a Couple of Days by Tony Vigorito

Author:Tony Vigorito
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

78 People do not tap their feet. Feet are tapped. Passive voice. To say people tap their feet implies some sort of conscious activity. Foot tapping is not willed, or if it is, it isn’t in rhythm. You may try to will your feet to stop tapping, but this is never successful for long, and soon your feet are tapping away even more furiously than before. Thus, the foot of Blip was tapping. This was not terribly unusual for him. He was forever pulsing with some cadence or another. His grade school teachers undoubtedly tried to embarrass him into sitting still by asking him if he had ants in his pants, but they never had to tell him to shake a leg. When he got really stimulated by a discussion, he was liable to get up and tap-dance around your sombrero. What made this particular foot-tapping situation significant, however, is that the feet of Brother Zebediah and Manny were tapping as well. Moreover, they were in perfect time with Blip, although none of them seemed to be aware of it.

“I love when women wear makeup,” Manny said dreamily. “How ’bout you, Zachariah?”

“I think Mr. Fancy-Pants Professor wears makeup.” Brother Zebediah, beginning to perk up, leered at Blip. “Look at his hair. He looks like a girl.”

“Girls are cool,” said Blip. “Besides, Jesus had long hair.”

“Jeyzus most certainly did not have long hair, you homo, and he definitely wasn’t a vegetarian!”

“Vegetarian?” Blip looked at Manny, then back at Brother Zebediah. “What?”

“Do I have to spell it out for you, you ho-mo-sex-u-al?” Brother Zebediah’s pious energy was fast returning. “Doesn’t work, does it?” He gestured broadly with his arms, pointing his index fingers, apparently intended to represent erect penises, toward each other.

Manny suddenly sneezed three times in a row, only momentarily interrupting their synchronous foot tapping.

“A triple,” General Kiljoy quipped, nudging Tynee.

“God bless you,” said Blip.

“Oh no!” said Brother Zebediah. “God can’t spare a blessing for someone who doesn’t even know how to wear a hat.” He pointed to Manny’s cap, which was purposefully turned around. “Hey,” he addressed Manny directly. “You got your hat on backwards, son, must mean your head’s not on straight.”

“Zachariah was a bullfrog,” Manny sing-songed.

“The name is Brother Zebediah.”

“I think it’s Jeremiah was a bullfrog,” Blip added.

“Ribbet, ribbet,” Manny taunted Brother Zebediah, flapping his elbows as if he were imitating a chicken.

Brother Zebediah ignored Manny’s mockery and turned back to Blip. “You!” he said. “You said, ‘God bless you!’”

Blip nodded affably. “I did.”

“I love sneezing,” said Manny.

“I didn’t expect you to admit that you believe in God,” Brother Zebediah said to Blip.

“I’m not talkin’ ’bout weak wheezes,” Manny continued, addressing no one at all.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have any expectations,” Blip replied to Brother Zebediah.

“I’m sayin’ strong sneezes,” Manny persisted with his soliloquy. “Now that’s what pleases.” All three tapped out a punch line.

“It pleases Jeyzus to know that you believe in Him.”

“Please us Jesus?” Manny rhymed. “Sneeze us Jesus?”

“Whatever,” Blip yawned. “All you’ve got to do is be honest and kind.

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